shit – i gotta adult

Well, what the hell – ya girl has gone and got herself a proper grown-up job. I feel like this is such a weird time of my life I’m not ready for, but, am being thrown into; it’s so bizarre to have been finished college for a month now, like I’ve just finished 14 years in education, that is crazy! And now, I’m off to work a Monday-Friday job, where i’ll start paying taxes and and into a PENSION SCHEME. WHAT THE HELL. PENSION SCHEME. I AM CHILD.

It’s such a weird situation to be in, I’m so ready to be financially stable, lemme tell ya, and have a good routine, but I also still feel like a baby, everything just feels super surreal. I’m going from waitressing once a week for a few hours for the past year and a half, to a full time job and I can’t quite wrap my head around it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m really excited (mostly for the dollar), I’m excited to experience new environments and relationships, but I’m also terrified. Terrified of the new situation, terrified of not making friends, terrified of doing the job incorrectly, and terrified of getting the two buses in the morning and hoping I remember which stop I have to get off at. I’m going to have to get up at 5:30am each morning, me? who struggles to get up before 10am. Like, I have to go buy grown up clothes, I can’t go to work in my spiderman top, I OWN A SPIDERMNAN TOP, how am I old enough to have this job lmao.

All of the people I went to school with, and my friends from college, are gearing up to move around the country to uni in under 2 months, everything feels so weird. I can’t grasp that we are all suddenly old enough to be following these changes, how are we suddenly not in math class, talking shit and pissing of teachers?

I wanted to write this post about growing up and dealing with new situations, but I can’t quite form any structure to this, except from a vast ramble about how I feel so very, very, out of my depth right now. And I know that’s a good thing, I have to grow and experience new life situations, but a (large) part of me wants to stay in familiar, comfortable territory so I don’t have to feel so vulnerable. There’s Β no coherence to this post, I just needed to ramble about this new chapter of my life – it feels pretty full circle, on my old blog, I wrote a post entitled ‘a new chapter’ talking about moving from school to college, so now I’m doing the same this time around – fuck, it feels surreal tho. I gotta adult.

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